Perfect in my Mind

Perfect in my Mind

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Ezra's Birth Story

Throughout my entire pregnancy, I was sure my baby would come early.  My mother had me two weeks prior to my due date, and James' mom delivered him one week before he was expected.  Naturally, I thought baby T. would come well before his estimated due date of August 4th.  When I asked my doctor at my 38 week appointment how much longer he thought I had and he responded "I wouldn't be surprised if it was this week", I just knew that meant my baby would be coming that night.  After the appointment, James and I rushed home and I began scrubbing my house from top to bottom.  Once the house was suitable for a brand new baby, I packed my suitcase, took a shower and went to sleep--just knowing that I would soon start having contractions and would probably wake up during the night asking James to drive me to the hospital.

I woke up the next day severely disappointed.  I was not in pain from contractions.  In fact, I hadn't felt this good physically in weeks!  For the next two weeks I followed the same bedtime ritual as the night of my 38 week appointment.  Scrub the house.  Re-pack the suitcase.  Shower.  Tell James "tonight's the night!" . . . wake up baby-less.  I was a fool to think I could predict baby T.'s arrival.  An absolute fool!

Two nights before my "41 week" mark of pregnancy, I woke up with severe lower back pain.  It was so bad that I couldn't go back to sleep.  I noticed that the pain would be really bad for about a minute, stop for a few minutes and then come back.  Apparently, this is what a contraction feels like.  I started timing the contractions, and discovered that I was having 1 minute contractions every 4 minutes.  I showered, got dressed, and woke up James to take me to Labor and Delivery.  Once we got to Labor and Delivery, they put us in a cold room and hooked me up to a torture device.  I believe it's formal name is "Non-stress test", but I will tell you right now . . . this test had me stressed.  After a few hours of lying perfectly still while having insane contractions, and being periodically checked for dilation, I was sent home.  My body wasn't ready to have the baby.

I puttered miserably around James' parents house from around 7am to 2pm, waiting for my contractions to get worse.  My doctor said to come in later in the day to get re-checked, but I wanted to wait until I couldn't stand the pain any longer.  I wanted to make sure that the next time I went into Labor and Delivery, I would walk out with a baby.  When I went to get re-checked, pretty much nothing had changed.  My doctor gave me two options:  1) I could go back home and keep laboring there, or 2) I could get checked in to the hospital, have my water broken, and get induced.  At this point I couldn't possibly imagine going home again, and my doctor agreed that given my state of misery it was probably time to speed up the process.  James and I were elated.  We were finally going to have this baby!

James and I got checked into our hospital room and started watching Seinfeld to distract me from my labor pains.  The doctor came in and broke my water (which doesn't feel nearly as weird as I thought it would) and soon after that they started the pitocin.  I tip my hat to anyone who has given a natural birth while on pitocin, because that stuff is a wench.  Instead of having a 4 minute break between contractions, I had a 1 second break . . . maybe.  It was intense contraction upon intense contraction.  I have never felt pain like that.  I don't think I could have even comprehended pain like that without experiencing it. Not even Jerry Seinfeld could distract me from this pain.  And that is saying something.

I got an epidural about an hour after the pitocin.  I think the anesthesiologist might have been an angel.  I felt better after that epidural than I had since my second trimester.  The pitocin started speeding things up, and before I knew it, I was at an 8.  Suddenly, fear came over me.  I was really going to have a baby!  What if the baby didn't like me?  What if I didn't know how to be a mother?  What if I didn't like being a mother?  Would everything be okay?  Every time a nurse came in to check my progress, the fear intensified.  By the time I got to a "10", I was nervous enough to chew my hand off.

It was time to start pushing.

I'm not sure how long I spent actually pushing, but it felt like minutes.  Before I knew it, a loud cry filled the room.  This cry was the sweetest, most beautiful sound I had ever heard.  It wasn't a sad cry, or an angry cry . . . it was just "waaahhhh".  As soon as I heard this cry, my nervousness immediately wore off. I was in love.
(okay, maybe the cry was a little angry. ;) )

I had been warned that my baby would potentially look like E.T. upon arrival, and a little alien is exactly what I was expecting.  While I surely would have loved an alien baby, my perfectly human son was a pleasant surprise.

The nurse put our baby boy on my chest and tears filled my eyes. Big, bright eyes looked up at me like I was the most interesting thing in the world.  Tiny fingers wrapped around my pinky.  Soft, pink lips gently opened and closed.  I was born to raise this child.  Having him in my life was already the greatest gift God had given me, and it hadn't even been 5 minutes.

James and I decided early on in my pregnancy that we didn't want to name our child until we met him.  We had thought about names, and there were names we liked, but we didn't want to pick anything until we could see our baby and feel his spirit.  We tried out a few names while the baby nursed on my chest.  Was this baby a Harrison?  Could he be a Grant?  No . . . this baby was definitely an Ezra.  Our Ezra.  Our little helper.  Our sweet, sweet boy.

I had a few complications after giving birth to Ezra, so I didn't get to hold him again for a few hours.  He was sent to sleep in the nursery while I recovered.  When I woke up the next morning to feed him, I fell in love all over . . . and honestly, now that he's a nearly month old I've fallen more in love with him every day since.  While it has definitely been the hardest month of my life, it has also been the most wonderful month of my life.

I am so grateful for my sweet baby Ezra.

(preview of our newborn session by Debi Rae photography)

I could go on and on, but I will save that for my "1 month" post later this week.


Emma Frances said...

This is the sweetest! :) And waiting is the hardest!! I'm so glad you didn't have to go home a second time! And he is just such a beautiful baby! I'm so happy for you!

Mackenzie Waters said...

Chelsea, you have me sobbing. What an incredible woman you are. You are the perfect mother with such humility, grace, and love. I hope to meet little Ezra one day soon. Much love and congratulations!!--Mackenzie

MicheleBryant said...

Thanks for posting Chelsea. It is wonderful re-living that amazing time. What a miraculous event. I love you!

Kristen said...

What a perfectly written and beautiful post. I must say it made me EXTREMELY baby hungry. I miss that new babyness. The whole experience of being pregnant and giving birth is just incredible. Baby Ezra is perfect. I think he looks a lot like his pretty momma. We moved this weekend but I do want to come visit sometime and meet this cutie in person. Love you girl!

elysebeard said...

LOOOOOOVE. i knew you would be the sweetest mom on the planet. i love birth stories and i'm so glad you shared yours. Ezra is a doll. he's making my ovarites do seductive dances. ugh. babies!

glad you're loving it!

Karrilyn said...

So cute I love the post I love reading about other people being mom's even if I cant be one right now its fun to here their story's so I can know what to expect and what I can do to prepare now for when that times comes your little one is so cute and I love reading your post thanks for sharing

Laynah said...

Ahh I looove love love your birth story. This is the sweetest thing I've ever read...your reaction cracked me up, about you being scared right before you gave birth to him because I'm sure that's exactly how I'll be too! So sweet that you waited to name him.

Annette said...

Thank you for writing this beautiful post! It's so fun to read! I love Ezra and can't wait to get to know him and watch him grow. He's such a cutie, he'll fit right in with my other cute grandkids!

Unknown said...

Chelsea, Your first and birth story about little Ezra James warmed my spirit and made me realize just how special and unique a young mother you already are. I love his name and this story will always be a treasured little history of how you felt and what it was like to bring your first baby boy into the world. Beautifully told and full of honesty and loving thoughts.

Dad Trunnell

Hope Wiltfong said...

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story about Ezra's birth - you are going to be a wonderful mommy.

Kylie said...

Curse you! I am NOT supposed to be baby hungry yet. Reading your story brought back a flood of memories and I am just so happy for you. He is truly beautiful and I hope you are doing well! Email me, if you find a spare moment :)

Kylie said...

Oops I was signed into the wrong Google account ^^ Also, I love the name you chose!

from head 2 toe said...

I was thinking about you a few days ago! Congrats on sweet baby Ezra! I love that name. And I LOVE that you waited to see him first. Such a special time in your life!

Unknown said...

Been thinking about you! Glad to see an update here! Congrats on your beautiful baby boy!

Courtney B said...

iiiiiiiii mean, seriously! This was the sweetest post ever! Ezra is perfect and you are the BEST mommy! And you're so gosh darn good at writing that I have chills, I'm teary eyed and I'm definitely craving this experience again.

And remember? We don't want more kids because Mia is so perfect!

Ugh. Thank you for making me baby hungry even though I still have a baby :)

Sean Marie said...

I am SO happy to see your sweet son's precious face! He looks so much like you already. Glad all is well. A big, huge congrats to you all!