Perfect in my Mind

Perfect in my Mind

Friday, October 12, 2012

Under Pressure

Have you ever been so stressed that your body gets the chills and you find yourself unable to concentrate on anything other than the source of tension?  Maybe I'm just cold (it is 43 degrees outside . . . ) . . .  or maybe I'm a basket case.  Either way, it is a terrible feeling.

I am the kind of person who internalizes everything.  If someone is mad at me, it's all I can think about.  If I have made someone feel sad, I'm usually the one crying.  The same can be said of positive things.  When I'm happy, I'm the happiest person you'll ever meet.  When I'm excited, I literally shake.  While this description might also be applicable to a puppy dog, I assure you that I am 100% human.  Through and through.

I feel like there is so much to do.  Deadlines I haven't met but should have.  Projects I haven't completed but need to.  Crafts that would look darling in my home but remain unfinished.  Meals I could make for my husband that perpetually remain ingredients.  The list goes on and on.  Some days, all I can think about are the things I have yet to do.

Yesterday, someone asked me how old I am.  As I replied, "twenty two", something hit me:  my life is just starting.  At twenty two years old I have put a lot of pressure on myself.  I have given myself deadlines that a twenty two year old really doesn't need to have.  I have spent weeks feeling bad about myself because I don't have a career, I don't have a child, and I don't  have a perfect home.  All of this might sound ridiculous to you--and honestly when I type it out it sounds ridiculous to me too--but it is the truth.  I am a girl who has set the bar so high for myself that there is no way for me not to fail.  Stupid, right?

I think so.  And I know for a fact that I am not alone in this thought process.  I have talked to many women in my same age group who feel this insurmountable pressure.  Pressure to be perfect.  Pressure to be as thin as Kate Moss while baking "Cake Boss" level cakes.  Pressure to be as funny as Tina Fey while being as righteous as Thomas S. Monson.  Pressure to be as smart as Stephen Hawking while being as beautiful as Scarlet Johanssen.  To be a Michelle Duggar mom while being an Angelina Jolie wife. The reality of it all is . . . as much as I would like to be all of those things, a person like that doesn't exist.

While I don't by any means want to dog on self improvement, I think there is a time and a place for everything.  Sometimes a little self-lovin' goes a long way.  A little "Guurrll, you be lookin' fine!!" action, if you will.  Now is that time for me.

And Chelsea?  You be lookin' fine.

13 comments:

Jess said...

Chelsea, give yourself time. If you want to be able to do all those things great but also remember that it takes time and practice. Don't let society or culture norms make you feel less then and stressed out. Don't let others dicate your choices and or hobbies either. It all just causes us stress and anxiety that we really don't need.
Your young I am young we are all young.
Lets live it the way we choose to live it.
I hope my rantings help and glad to see you posting something.

Karrilyn said...

You will be fine look at me 24 years old i bet people I think I should have kids but I don't
Justin Jordan I enjoy being with your husband enjoy having that time with him because kids will come on sooner later and then you will be busy wish you have that time with him that's what I have been doing with my husband is just taking time to spend ut with him

Ryan Adair said...

keep reminding your self that you are exactly the way you are to be in this moment I'm l perfections and all. I know for me this is true..a little discipline goes a long way. Bake the cake, have a few bites and take it to your local red cross... Volunteers love cake. Go work out even if you don't want to... 20 mins is better than none. Be your self. If people don't like you, that's their loss. I just had this realization not to long ago.. Someone said to me.."hey don't talkabout that stuff these guys aren't into "that stuff" you need to Getty on their level more" and I said in reply"if they don't like me for who I really am..they don't deserve my friendship"

I've spent all this time trying to be perfect..when my flaws are the things that make me interesting..now when I see flaws in others I am much more accepting and willing to find common ground while maintaining my true self.

You are wonderful. Don't let the pressure get to you.the present moment us the only one..if you can manage to keep moving forward, and occasionally step back..you're prefect.;)

Sean Marie said...

You are young you ARE accomplished! Stop beating yourself up. Remember how successful and mature you really are.

Ryan Adair said...

Wow..commenting from cell phones is bad. I hope you are able to make sense of my gibberish

Annette said...

This age of information we live in really does raise the bar for ridiculous expectations! It all drowns out how amazing and worthwhile we all are. I just have to remind myself, "I Am a Child of God." You have accomplished so much and, as you say, have your whole life ahead of you!!! Love you lots!

Deveny said...

I used to find it crazy that Utah was known for young wives on Prozac... but after getting to that stage I can see why. It's easy to think of all the things you should be doing and compare yourself to other women who seem to have it all.

I find whenever the inklings of self-pity start nagging me, I go for some humor - works every time. :)

Arielle-HumblePieVintage said...

I do the same thing. I just turned 23 and I'm always feeling ashamed that I dont have a career. I'm extremely proud that I don't have kids though. I was just thinking that in the shower. I'm happy I don't have alot of baggage at this age but I feel pressure bc people act like life is a race. We all move on different levels though so we shouldn't feel like it's a competition.

Alexis Kaye said...

First, you should know that I've been insanely busy and I feel like a chicken running around with its head cut off and I am NOT reading blogs right now but when I saw that you posted, I couldn't help myself! I miss you! And this post was beautiful! About your emotions, I am so with you there. I felt like you were describing me. And you celeb comparisons while humorous, were beautiful too. I noticed how it's not like you can say I want to be perfect like this person. You have to take qualities from lots of different people to make that. Just goes to show you none of us are perfect. We're all on our journey. I heard a quote once that I really love that was something to the effect of: we need to have the courage to be imperfect while striving towards perfection. It's so true. I love you and am sending lots of hugs your way :) good luck with all you have girl. you be lookin finnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeee!

Lauren Crews said...

I love this. I think you should make a video, reciting this very post, so I can play it every morning when I wake up! It's just the pep talk I needed to hear!

Amanda and Josh said...

I really needed this today. These are the exact feelings I have been struggling with lately. I feel so behind with life, yet I am only 21. I think it has a lot to do with the world we are in...and technology. I find myself comparing a lot. I am working on just slowing down..enjoying life..and being in the moment.

Kylie said...

I am just like you on the internalizing everything. And the getting too much on my plate. And thinking I must be a failure if I can't do it all, but so-and-so can. I can so relate to you on so many levels. Know that you aren't alone, even if my circumstances are different. Thanks for posting! I've missed your insights :)

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