Have you ever been so stressed that your body gets the chills and you find yourself unable to concentrate on anything other than the source of tension? Maybe I'm just cold (it is 43 degrees outside . . . ) . . . or maybe I'm a basket case. Either way, it is a terrible feeling.
I am the kind of person who internalizes everything. If someone is mad at me, it's all I can think about. If I have made someone feel sad, I'm usually the one crying. The same can be said of positive things. When I'm happy, I'm the happiest person you'll ever meet. When I'm excited, I literally shake. While this description might also be applicable to a puppy dog, I assure you that I am 100% human. Through and through.
I feel like there is so much to do. Deadlines I haven't met but should have. Projects I haven't completed but need to. Crafts that would look darling in my home but remain unfinished. Meals I could make for my husband that perpetually remain ingredients. The list goes on and on. Some days, all I can think about are the things I have yet to do.
Yesterday, someone asked me how old I am. As I replied, "twenty two", something hit me: my life is just starting. At twenty two years old I have put a lot of pressure on myself. I have given myself deadlines that a twenty two year old really doesn't need to have. I have spent weeks feeling bad about myself because I don't have a career, I don't have a child, and I don't have a perfect home. All of this might sound ridiculous to you--and honestly when I type it out it sounds ridiculous to me too--but it is the truth. I am a girl who has set the bar so high for myself that there is no way for me not to fail. Stupid, right?
I think so. And I know for a fact that I am not alone in this thought process. I have talked to many women in my same age group who feel this insurmountable pressure. Pressure to be perfect. Pressure to be as thin as Kate Moss while baking "Cake Boss" level cakes. Pressure to be as funny as Tina Fey while being as righteous as Thomas S. Monson. Pressure to be as smart as Stephen Hawking while being as beautiful as Scarlet Johanssen. To be a Michelle Duggar mom while being an Angelina Jolie wife. The reality of it all is . . . as much as I would like to be all of those things, a person like that doesn't exist.
While I don't by any means want to dog on self improvement, I think there is a time and a place for everything. Sometimes a little self-lovin' goes a long way. A little "Guurrll, you be lookin' fine!!" action, if you will. Now is that time for me.
And Chelsea? You be lookin' fine.