Hi. These are my new bangs.
Moving on . . .
I've been feeling pretty introspective lately. I think to some people I come off as confident and self-assured. I walk tall, and I am not afraid to speak up if I have something to say.
But you know what?
People don't really know what's going on in my head. In reality, I have some real issues with self-esteem. I mean, I wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and think the same thought: "Chelsea, you're ugly." Then, I turn to the side, look at my stomach, and try and determine whether it looks bigger then it did the day before. I'm really mean to myself. I think if I were to take an average of how many times I tell myself I'm fat each day, it would be at least 40.
Isn't that ridiculous?
I mean, deep down inside, I know I am not fat. I'm not even overweight. If I think about it logically, I know that my BMI is in a healthy range, and I know that I wear the same size pants I've always worn. But when I'm alone with my thought, it's different. It's something I cannot explain. It's a part of me I hate, and I try to combat every single day.
My mom is someone I really look up to. When I lived at home, I asked her multiple times each day if I looked fat. Usually she would just say no, but a few times she said, "Well, what if you were? Would that be the worst thing that could happen to you?" Over the years, these questions have really gotten me thinking. If everything I physically liked about myself was gone, what would be left? Would I be okay? Would I be happy? Honestly, I don't know. But it is something I should probably try working on.
I want to emphasize to you all that this post is not a cry for praise or attention. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for me. I've felt compelled to write this post for awhile, and I hope that by sharing, maybe others will know that they are not alone.