Perfect in my Mind

Perfect in my Mind

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

To beard? Or not to beard? That is the question.

This is a cactus:

Don't you want to just rub your face all over it, caress it, and whisper sweet nothings into it's ear?

The answer is no.  And this is precisely why I am anti-beard.

I have heard several pro-beard arguments (mostly from Mista T.), but I am here to prove them all wrong.

First off, if you have a beautiful face, why on earth would you choose to cover it up with a gnarly piece of kitten fluff?

Brad Pitt?  I'm talkin' to you.
(click photos for sources)
You look like a crazy person.  Please shave that rodent off your chin.

The same goes for you, Robert Pattinson.
However, if you find yourself longing to not be kissed, maybe a beard would be a good option for you.

Joaquin Pheonix?
I'm pretty sure no one wants to scrape up their cheeks on your face scruff.

Also.  An untrimmed beard can often result in the bearded man in question looking lazy.  And insane.

Take Pierce Brosnan, for example.

 Additionally, I would like to note that a beard does not adequately compensate for lack of hair growth in the cranial regions.

Case and point?
This man.  No caption necessary.

What I'm getting at is, virtually no person improves their physical appearance with a beard.  A face is a special thing, and it should not be tainted by scruff.

Well, in all fairness, I guess there is one man who can pull off a beard with grace.  
Santa?  I salute you and your beard.  Keep up the fine work.  

What do you guys think?  Are you pro-beard?  Or anti-beard?


tifsong said...

oh dear girl. i love beards.

haha. my husband hates them though.

you may have found the worst looking facial hair out there for your examples.

i'll be on a quest to find some good beards in this world.

i'll show you! :)

Autumn said...

I think beards are so gross.

Lindsay said...

Haha you make me laugh Chelsea! I love your blog posts. UMM I'm with you!!! No facial hair for me. I think SOME guys can pull off the "5 oclock shadow", but that's all I will go for. Thanks for the laugh!

karajean said...

My favorite is a couple of days worth of scruff. Probably part of the reason I fell for Scott. He sports that look basically 100% of the time. I love it!

Alexis Kaye said...


Seriously though, beards are nast. I'm thankful my husband can't grow one evn if he tried. He has blonde, fine, hair so when it grows out a little it looks likemold. And don't worry, when that happens, I remind him of it.

Lara said...

I used to be anti-facial hair.

Then my husband grew a goatee and I found I really like it. As long as he keeps it trimmed and it doesn't turn into the thing that Brad Pitt has on his face.

In fact, he decided to shave it off a while ago and I was really surprised because I think I like him better with it.

You just never know!

PS They are only cactus like for the first few days of growth. Then they are nice and soft.

Ryan Adair said...

My guy insists on wearing a beard. He will occasionally surprise me with this cute bare face, but for the most part I have to just deal with it. I have gotten him to start grooming the beard.. it was really getting out of hand..


Ryan @ Thismustbetheplaceryan

Dana Richards said...

Hahahahah this is too funny! I don't have much of a choice on the beard matter, when I met my husband he hadn't shaved his face in 2 years! Now I'm lucky to see his adorable face in the summers :-) he knows I love his clean face though so he always shaves for special occasions like valentines day and anniversaries haha

Courtney B said...

DIDO! I freakin' hate beards! I mean, ok, a little scruff can look sexy. Kind of. Until it touches my face. Yuck! Shave that crap off! Haha I HATE getting beard burn. I know, tmi. But seriously.
And my poor Eric had to shave 2 times a day in the mtc because his grows back so fast. And he thinks it's the best thing ever to change up the facial hair. He thinks it's funniest to leave a stache. Oh gosh, I could go on and on and on.
I'm against facial hair. Period.

Jess said...

Yeah I am not all for beards. My husbands looks okay with the little bit of scruffiness but I don't let him do it too often and my lips break out from it so he doesn't like to do it often.
So true about Brad Pit. He looks so much better with it off. I don't know what he is thinking. Crazy perhaps.

hopelds said...

When my husband lost enough of his hair to begin shaving his head, I insisted that he grow a beard - there was simply too much bare skin to deal with. I love my husband, but he is NOT a handsome man - and the beard works.

LaynahRose said...

hahaha I am so anti beard, but I think some facial hair is allright.

This was hilarious, you made the best arguments! You should be on a debate team. I hope your mister reads this and decides to stay smooth :)

P! said...

LOL! I used to HATE facial hair and when I met my hubby, he was all clean-shaven. Then he decided to let the scruff come out and I'm wild over it. He has a wide little baby face, so it helps him look older. Then again, his is ONLY scruff, not a full-blown beard. I would NEVER allow that. He trims it everyday so it's well-kempt. I guess I'm torn on this debate!!

MicheleBryant said...

Chels, I love this post!

Bree said...

Ok, well I definitely don't like a full on beard, but I much prefer my boyfriend with scruff over clean shaven. He suits it better :)

Ariana said...

Hahaha - I totally cracked up at this whole post! As you know, MY hubby has a beard, but it itches him quite a bit so it's an off-and-on thing.

But truly, those comparison photos were great to see!

Jessica Hadley said...

i know we've never talked before but mary showed me your blog once and ever since, i've been addicted..not in a creepy way though. but oh my heavens this made me laugh so hard!! especially about shaving the "rodent" off your face. hahaha. anyway, beards are nasty. and men look soooo much better without them!

Enna said...

It depends entirely on the beard.
goatees are sick.
so are mustaches.
If they have a few days of scruff...yum. For real I love it.
And I actually don't mind kissing beardos like I thought I would.

Katie said...

Hahaha. I like a little bit of facial hair. Too much is just gross. But scruff=good. [Not huge] goatees=good. My husband likes to keep a [very trimmed] goatee and I LOVE it!

Deveny said...

Team 5 o'clock shadow all the way!

Karen in Progress said...

This post made me laugh so much! I'm anti beard but pro goatee... as long as it doesn't get too crazy. I actually did a blog post a few months ago about how my husband needed to trim his shit up. Hilarious.

Kaycie said...


Sara Shoemaker said...

once again, you leave me laughing with your post. I am completely ANTI beard thank you very much. I've always been so appalled at how horrid brad pitt can look! I don't care if you're trying to be 'metro' or 'indie' or 'alternative'- it looks horrible. don't let your hubby grow one! if he does, shave it off in the night.

Megan said...

Haha this post cracked me up. I like a little stubble now and again but not full on beard.

Grandma B said...

What a great posting Chelsea. I agree with you 100%.

Emma Frances said...

I think your examples are all perfect for why men should not have beards unless they are Santa. Luckily for me my husband can't grow a beard! Also, thanks for the comment on my blog. It was actually on my old blog so I didn't see it til just now! Check out my new blog at {}

Emma Frances said...

Baha! Rereading this post just made my day! Good stuff! :]