I started taking a notebook around with me at recess, and documenting the playground gossip. I learned that Austin had a crush on Carla, and Russell and Abish were kind of a thing. I learned secrets about Courtney, and heard that Mike got cafeteria clean-up duty for pelting a girl in the face with lettuce at lunch. He also claimed that he got paid two dollars for holding the lunch lady's hand.
I felt so powerful.
Years later, my interest in spying has not faltered. Now my neighbors are my targets. My neighbors would probably not recognize me if I knocked on their door, or waved to them in the parking lot. But, I know who they are.
Here is a sampling of my findings:
- The foreign exchange crew just moved out. It probably didn't take a lot of time, because they didn't have furniture. Instead, they just lined their shoes all around the perimeter of their front room. Foreigner 1 owned the fanciest car in the lot, and wore various shades of the same Ralph Lauren Polo shirt every time I saw him. Foreigner 2 smoked like a chimney, and liked to leave his cigarette butts behind the stair well. Foreigner's 1&2 were friends with Foreigner's 4, 5, & 6 who live just south of 1&2. I will miss creepin' on their interactions.
- My other neighbor is a hoarder When I first moved into my complex, I was a little creeped out. He had about ten Mountain Dew bottles full of some dark fluid next to his apartment door. I thought he was brewing moonshine. After further inspection, it appears he was just collecting motor oil. Next to the motor oil were two car seats, some tools, and a basketball. He keeps a canoe and some tires next to his apartment. I'm assuming my managers told him to get rid of the stuff on his porch--because it suddenly disappeared. . . but now it's back, and he has built a shed around it (and more) in one of the parking spaces. Classy.
- Every week, the sheriff makes a visit a few doors down. He doesn't knock--he just walks in. Like he owns the place. At first I thought maybe he lives there . . . but no, he doesn't. Then, my mind jumped to more scandalous things like, "Hey. Maybe he's having a romantic relationship with one of the tenants." But, lets face it, he's probably just checking up on them. Like, random drug checks, or whatever.
Honestly, I could go on another few bullet points, or so . . . but I feel like I've already validated to you all how creepy I am.
So, we'll leave it at that.
Do you guys ever . . . you know . . . creep on your neighbors? I wanna know.