Perfect in my Mind

Perfect in my Mind

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

How Harriet the Spy Changed my Life.

When I was six years old, Harriet the Spy was cool.  Like way cool.  She made stalking look easy, fun, and worthwhile.  I wanted to be her.

I started taking a notebook around with me at recess, and documenting the playground gossip.  I learned that Austin had a crush on Carla, and Russell and Abish were kind of a thing.  I learned secrets about Courtney, and heard that Mike got cafeteria clean-up duty for pelting a girl in the face with lettuce at lunch.  He also claimed that he got paid two dollars for holding the lunch lady's hand.

I felt so powerful.

Years later, my interest in spying has not faltered.  Now my neighbors are my targets.  My neighbors would probably not recognize me if I knocked on their door, or waved to them in the parking lot.  But, I know who they are.

Here is a sampling of my findings:

  • The foreign exchange crew just moved out.  It probably didn't take a lot of time, because they didn't have furniture.    Instead, they just lined their shoes all around the perimeter of their front room.  Foreigner 1 owned the fanciest car in the lot, and wore various shades of the same Ralph Lauren Polo shirt every time I saw him.  Foreigner 2 smoked like a chimney, and liked to leave his cigarette butts behind the stair well.  Foreigner's 1&2 were friends with Foreigner's 4, 5, & 6 who live just south of 1&2.  I will miss creepin' on their interactions.

  • My other neighbor is a hoarder   When I first moved into my complex, I was a little creeped out.  He had about ten Mountain Dew bottles full of some dark fluid next to his apartment door.  I thought he was brewing moonshine.  After further inspection, it appears he was just collecting motor oil.  Next to the motor oil were two car seats, some tools, and a basketball.  He keeps a canoe and some tires next to his apartment.  I'm assuming my managers told him to get rid of the stuff on his porch--because it suddenly disappeared. . . but now it's back, and he has built a shed around it (and more) in one of the parking spaces.  Classy.  

  • Every week, the sheriff makes a visit a few doors down.  He doesn't knock--he just walks in.  Like he owns the place.  At first I thought maybe he lives there . . . but no, he doesn't.  Then, my mind jumped to more scandalous things like, "Hey.  Maybe he's having a romantic relationship with one of the tenants."  But, lets face it, he's probably just checking up on them.  Like, random drug checks, or whatever.
Honestly, I could go on another few bullet points, or so . . . but I feel like I've already validated to you all how creepy I am.  

So, we'll leave it at that.  

Do you guys ever . . . you know . . . creep on your neighbors?  I wanna know.


The Meiers said...

I love reading your blog..always brightens my day :)

Jess said...

What ever happened to that young actress. Thats pretty funny that you spy on all your neighborers sounds like a lot of fun and work. And maybe there is a scandal going on a few doors down with the police officer.
Oh its not creepy its being informed.

Chelsea said...

@The Meiers: I love ya, girl! We need to get together soon. In real life.

@Jess: I love your comments, Jess. Thanks for acknowledging the work that goes into it. Ha ha. I feel so validated.

Dolly said...

Harriet aka.Chelsea

Good info! You might need some binoculars and sneakers if you continue on with this mission. A walkie-talkie works great for relaying messages too.

Sara Shoemaker said...

you would love the movie Rear Window. Jimmy Stewart. watch it. :) I love observing others around me too it's so fun! haha you are hilarious I bet you would be the Most fun to have a conversation with. Happy Stalking!

House of Shoes

Courtney said...

I love stalking people . . . again we must be related. But good thing we do it in a not-gonna-get-arrested-or be-socially-creepy-and-unnerving kind of way.

Popcorn, Pugs & Peonies said...

Wow, I just love this post. Very funny!

Alexis Kaye said...

haha so interesting! I'm a nosey one too! We just moved into an apartment complex. Hopefully I find some interesting stuff too. IT's kinda ghetto so I'm sure to. I'll find the story on the lady with like 7 dogs. that's just crazy considering the biggest apartment here is like 700 square feet!

Deveny said...

OMG this post is grade A awesome! I totally creep on my neighbors, sometimes by accident & sometimes....not. haha Neighbors next door have material issues because I once heard a shouting match (oh, not once..shouting matches are pretty common) about where the heck she'd been. Apparently she had been at work but he didn't believe her & it was pretty tense. They have 3 kids so sometimes we'll hear, "Why are you crying???". LOL (once I had a kid I totally get that qn now. haha)