Perfect in my Mind

Perfect in my Mind

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Haters Gonna Hate

I've let people tear me  down.  I've let myself believe negative things that people have said or done to me.  I've let myself believe that I am less than I am.
  • Last week a volunteer at my work said, "You're about 35, aren't you?"  I laughed, thinking he was joking, but as the conversation progressed, it was clear that he really thought I was that old.  After I told him that I am actually 21, he looked at me really closely and said, "Oh, I should have known.  When you turn 21 you begin to wrinkle around your eyes.  I can see that you're starting to wrinkle around there, too." (Kind of ironic, considering what I posted here)
  • A few days after that, I went to get my hair colored and cut.  The hairstylist I patroned decided that she would try to make me feel insecure in an effort for me to consider getting more things done.  She mentioned that my eyebrows needed work, and that the service I wanted on my hair might not be enough to make my hair look good.  I kind of brushed it off, but what she said about my eyebrows stayed with me.  After much coaxing, she convinced me to get my eyebrows waxed.  When she went to actually wax my eyebrows, she said, "I notice that you have some acne.  I can't wax around your blemishes."  Throughout the remainder of my appointment, she continued to talk about my skin.  I came into the appointment thinking I looked pretty.  I left feeling more insecure that I had felt in awhile
  • During a class I recently attended, I decided to comment.  It was really hard for me to do this, because most of the women in my ward are older, and have the most beautiful things to say.  I was afraid I would say something insignificant--but I proceeded to share my thoughts.  After I said what I had been  prompted to say, a woman behind me raised her hand and said  that what I had said was against what she believed.  She made everything I had painstakingly shared sound illegitimate.  I felt like an idiot.
(pardon my rant)

I was really letting all of this get me down.  I could feel myself becoming a shadow of the Chelsea I had been even a week ago.  This scared me.  But, as I really thought about it, I realized that there is always going to be someone out there who doesn't think I'm awesome.  Unkind words and actions will always exist, and there is nothing I can do about it.  I cannot control what people say or think about me.  But, I can control how I react to it.  

This is real, people:
And that's the way it's always gonna be.

19 comments:

Annette said...

Boy I relate to this blog post! We've all had things like this happen to us. People can be so insensitive even though they are supposedly "well-meaning." Thanks for posting this! (35??? Really???) ;-)

Mysterious M said...

Oh boy - this hit a spot on me today. :) Thanks for sharing. I've been in your shoes lots of times, although I'll say that most people peg me at about 15 instead of 29. And trust me, that's not as cute as it sounds....

As my dad always tells me "There's always someone out there that wants to kick your ass. So stop doing it to yourself!".

Just sayin'. :) Have a better week ths week!
-Mysteious M

Mrs. T said...

I have been feeling like that this past week, too. For different reasons, but the same feeling: inferior. It's frustrating. I don't want to be proud and vain, but I don't want to feel like this either! ha ha...
Here's to next week and hoping it's better! :::raises imaginary humongous glass of wine. the one that holds a whole bottle:::

Lisa said...

Ugh! I hate it when people say stuff like that! One time my visiting teacher came over- she was a neat freak and I am NOT, so I had tried really hard to make sure the house was clean before she came. When she came in she said "The house looks good. It must have taken you a long time." She probably meant it as a compliment, but I still felt insulted.

Amanda said...

Thanks for posting this because i really needed it tonight. I am dealing with my own "haters." I love the poster at the end. It made me smile. Thanks for being what I needed

Rachel said...

Wow what you said about going to the salon made me feel down FOR you. That is SO rude of her.. I'm sure you looked amazing and she was just trying to "up-sell" you to get more business. But that is a crappy way to do it. You're right. all you can control is your reaction. People will always find a way to bring you down even just to make themselves feel better.

Sara Shoemaker said...

don't pay any attention to all those Ridiculous people. It's people with really low self esteem who put others down just to make themselves feel better. I would've had that hair stylist written up too actually, customer is always King right?! you're not supposed to bring your customers down. I find you quite gorgeous, so don't listen to those idiots haha. k I'll get off my soap box now :)
love that little poster. HILARE.

The House of Shoes

amy said...

Uhhh let's be bestfriends. Your positive energy makes me LOVE YOU.

Haters are always going to bend their bones to make us suffer. And you know what, we don't need them!

You are so right.


Love


hope to hear from you*!
amyflyingakite.com

Jenna said...

Hey Chelsea, thanks for your kind comment. How funny that we both have some "haters" bogging us down! I feel stupid for letting people's hurtful words get to me. This is going to be a much better week, I just know it!

jessica whitaker said...

Ugh, I hate haters! I'm so sorry all of that happened to you. And man that was so unprofessional of your hairdresser to say those rude things!

Don't listen to haters though. They hate ya cause they ain't ya.

mia said...

Some people are just morons! It's best to ignore them, although that's easier said than done! You look pretty and young though, so you've got nothing to worry about :)

Sabrina said...

We all have those moments. Sometimes, I can't help but to smile at how some people feel the need to prod at every little detail to break someone down.

P.S. Thanks for letting "taters gonna tate" put a smile on my face!


Sincerely,
Sabrina

Courtney B said...

WHAT the crap?!?! I want to punch that stylist right in her face! Seriously! What the crap?! I can't believe she said all of that to you!
I can't believe they all said that stuff! Wow. Chelsea you are beautiful and have nothing to worry about!! I'm sorry you ran into all the mean people in the world all in the same week :( But you are awesome and I look up to you for having this attitude!

Kaycie said...

oh, I LOVE that last picture! But it's so true. I've felt the same way at church and classes a lot. I just don't feel that what I have to say is all that important. I'm so sorry about all the negative things people say. But I guess that's just how it is, like you said, and we have to focus on the positive.

Alexis Kaye said...

K I love that diagram! So I've gone to a therapist a few times (crumby past, we'll just leave it there) and I have an insanely hard time with criticism. I guess cuz it reminds me of things and yadda yadda yadda. She said when I'm upset is to ask myself, is this mine? Like is this my problem, or is it theirs? WAY too often I take on other problems. A driver cuts me off and is rude and all of a sudden it's my problem? NOPE. So I say to myself, okay. That's yours, not mine. And then try to let it go asap. It's not your problem your hairstylist doesn't see your beauty or does, and just wants to make you feel bad. BTW, I think you're awesome. That's my vote :)

Jess said...

First off, Do not go back to that stylist. I have never never not once been told that I need to get my eyebrows waxed my a professional. And second I have had pimples many times on my eyebrow and have always gotten it waxed before.

Third and Most in important....You Are beautiful. And in all your picture I have not noticed any wrinkles at all you look fine. And You do not look like you are even over 21 yet. So that guy doesnt know what he is talking about nor does he know how to talk to women.

And remember that whatever spiritual impressions you have are for you and your growth. And if that lady didnt want to hear then that is her let down.

So you keep being who you are. You are 'Perfectly Perfect in every way'.

McKinley said...

UGH!!! I so know this feeling!! I am so sorry! Sometime we just have those weeks were we look around and think... ohhh well I am totally freaking awesome... NOT!

For the hairdresser. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. Lady... I don't care what you think about me nor do I have the money to spend on all the things you think I should work on. I remember this girl told me I had acne too! I couldn't get it out of my head and thought I looked like the kids on Proactive. Now when I look back at those photos of that time... I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT HAVE ACHNE. She made me buy her products, which didn't even help the tinniest and I felt like a pizza face for 6 months I am not even kidding!

I know exactly what you are talking about. And people will hate, and be jealous and insecure and project it all on you. I don't know why people do that but I am so sorry it is something you felt. Keep your head high!!! You got a lot going on!!! And everyone knows it!

Cindy said...

I love this post...and it's true that people are unkind when they could NOT be. I hope you're feeling better lately and realize that you are worth it. You're really, really, REALLY pretty, and I saw your Benjamin Button post and really..anything from the 90s era made a person look older lol! xD

I just saw your comment on my blog about blog swapping and I'd love to do it if you were still up for it! :)

email me at cindy2291atgmaildotcom so we can talk more!

Autumn said...

I think girls get catty when they feel inferior or jealous. When I went wedding dress shopping the first time everyone saw me in the dress I picked out and the store clerk told me..."you need to get a bigger dress since they will have to let it out after your both control makes you gain weight. Thankfully for once in my life the right comment came to my head and I said: "Just tell me what type you are on and I will never try it." Mean, yes. I hope though that she doesn't try to ruin someone elses day though (definitely my only bridezilla moment).

Just think of it that she was giving you a really odd compliment.