In the past, I've heard people say this . . . and then laugh really hard. I always think to myself, "Why are you laughing? That's not even funny. It's kind of tragic, when you really think about it." But, then I realize that the person who said that they are socially awkward isn't even socially awkward. They're just trying to make a joke, or something.
When I meet new people, I freak out a little. I have to do some deep breathing, and maybe even close my eyes for a second. It just really stresses me out for some reason. This week I had to meet a considerable amount of "new" people.
When I am in a crowd of people I don't know very well, I usually just stand around them, analyzing their conversations. But, when I hear them talk about something I am familiar with, I get really excited. Like, unusually excited. And, in that moment, I feel like I am going to physically explode if I don't tell them absolutely everything I know about what they are talking about. This particular time, the people around me were talking about spray tans.
The conversation went a little something like this:
Person 1: I don't like tanning, but I wish I was more tan. I have been thinking about getting a spray tan.
Person 2: I love getting spray tans. The best thing to do before you get a spray tan is to exfoliate yourself really well. Be sure to get around your elbows and in between your fingers.
Person 1: Oh yeah? And how do you make your tan last longer?
Chelsea: Oh! I've gotten a spray tan before!
Person 1: Oh, cool. Did you like it?
Chelsea: Well . . . I don't know . . . It was kind of an awkward situation.
Person 1: Huh. How so?
Chelsea: You do know that you are going to be . . . uh . . . not wearing any clothes, right?
Person 1: I thought you were allowed to wear some clothes . . .
Chelsea: Not with the girl I went to. She didn't want me to wear clothes. I was really nervous about it, because no one had seen me naked since I was a baby, and I didn't want a complete stranger to be the first. But, the lady told me it would be fine. So, I went in to the room where she tans people, dropped my towel, and the lady just started spraying me with this tanning water gun looking thing.
Person 1: Uh. Okay . . .
Chelsea: Yeah, and I just stood there. Clothless.
Person 1: Hmmm.
Chelsea: And I was like, lady? Is this even weird for you? And the lady was like, "No." "It's just like painting a wall." And then I got all offended. Like, okay. So, you're the first person to ever see me naked, and I'm just like a wall to you?
Person 1: Huh. Well, I think I would just not get undressed all the way.
(Insert awkward conversation pause.)
Chelsea: Yeah. I guess that would be good.
You see where I'm going with this? Word vomit. At it's finest.
Well, I've recently started evaluating my socially awkwardness . . . and, I've come up with a list of things that are socially awkward that everyone does. And by everyone, I totally just mean me.
- Go in for a hug . . . but your arms are in the exact same place as the other person.
- Side note: I totally feel like there should be a "hugging etiquette" handbook outlining the appropriate length of a hug, when it is and is not acceptable to hug a person, etc. I goof this one up all the time.
- Your waitress brings you your food, and asks you how everything is tasting. You respond, "It's good. How is yours?"
- You arrive really early for an event. Once you get there, you decide to wait in your car until the event has already started. This way you can be "fashionably late."
- Once you say "goodbye" to someone, you start walking out to leave. Then you realize that person parked right next to you. They are walking behind you the entire time.
- Every time you send a text, you go back and obsessively read it until the recipient responds.
What about you guys? Do you do any of these things, or am I a freak of nature?