As you may (or may not) have noticed, I've been like . . . wayy absent around these parts, lately.
Life got busy in a hurrrry.
But, there are some things I really need to get off my chest.
I'm taking a creative non-fiction writing class right now. I've always loved writing, and although writing is not something I necessarily want to pursue as a career, it is something that I want to be better at.
When I signed up for the class, I didn't expect for it to be a challenge. I've taken so many essay-based courses through the years, I thought I had an "A" in the bag. Turns out, I was wrong. Right now, this elective class is the hardest class I'm taking this semester. It's not the work or assignments I'm having trouble with . . . but the critique that comes a long with each paper.
I started draft one of our fist big assignment a few weeks ago. I took it to our in class workshop and it was fairly well received. I made some adjustments to what I had written, called it "draft 2" and took it to our second in class workshop. This time, my paper was fawned over. Everyone who read what I wrote seemed emotionally invested in my piece, and I was soaring high. I made a few improvements, called it "draft 3" and submitted my paper electronically to my teacher for her to edit. When she sent the paper back to me, there was more red on my essay than black. She completely tore it apart. Hated it.
The nature of my project was deeply personal. I wrote about the hardest time in my life. I wrote things I've never said aloud. I thought I had done the best I could. But, Dr. Annonomous wanted everything to be different.
I looked at my computer screen, and cried. I felt defeated. I had spent about thirty hours brainstorming, writing, revising, and coming up with visuals. And now, I was being counseled to change it all.
I guess I needed some humble pie?
Well, that pie tasted like crap, but I think overall, I'm going to be a better person from this experience. I really have a hard time with criticism. I always have. I think, in my head, I'm hard enough on myself--so when somebody tells me I'm bad at something, or I'm not doing something right, I take it very personally. Maybe at 21 it's time for me to overcome this personal weakness.
I was going to write a
But, this post is already freaking long.
Also. I should probably be more positive next time.