Perfect in my Mind

Perfect in my Mind

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

It's like a soap opera--but older.

There are two women in the memory care unit of the assisted care center I work at who play with baby dolls.  Actually, they believe the baby dolls are their own children.  They change their diapers, put them down for naps, sing to them, etc.  It's real cute.

As I walked into work the other day, I heard shouting.  Yikes:  a scuffle.  Turns out one of the residents (we'll call her Resident C) had stolen another residents' (Resident R) baby, and refused to give it back.  Resident C held the baby tight and was yelling that the baby was hers.  Resident R is confined to a wheelchair, and couldn't do anything about the situation except yell things like, "You give me Charlie back, or I will press charges!" I tried explaining to Resident C that the baby should be returned, but at this point all hope of reason had already exited out the door.  So, being the quick thinking intern that I am, I gave Resident C a big hug, and while she was hugging me back, I snatched the baby out of her arms.

She glared at me fiercely, and proclaimed:  "You son of a bi*ch."
There is a resident (Resident L) in memory care who has very exaggerated facial expressions.  This can partially be attributed to the fact that she can open her eyes wider than any human I have ever met.  This is both a blessing and curse to her.  A blessing, because we almost always know how to help her if she's is uncomfortable (she also can not talk very intelligibly), but a curse because her expressions are often intimidating.

A few days ago, Resident L was worked up about something.  A blind man (also in memory care) had accidently touched her, and she felt violated.  She was running around the room, trying to articulate that she would like to 'beat him.'  After several minutes of this, another Resident C approached her and shouted "Calm down!  You look like a demon when your eyes are like that!"
I was seduced, yesterday.  By a man in his late nineties.  This resident (Resident O) asked me to go outside with him so he could get a little sun.  I happily obliged, seeing as it was a beautiful day.  As we talked in the sunlight, I asked him questions about his life and tried to get to know him better.  He would humor me a bit by giving me details of his time in the military, but would always end my attempted conversations by saying, "I had a doctor tell me one time that the best thing you can do for yourself is to spend one or two hours in the direct sun each day . . . I should probably take my clothes off."  I would always discourage him from doing so.  After about fifteen minutes of this, he took off his shirt.  And then started rolling up his pants.  He rolled higher . . . and higher . . . and higher . . . until I told him that he was getting more than adequate exposure to the sun.  

He then told me I was pretty.

I told him I am married women.
We have a southern belle, living in memory care.  She has the cutest little accent you've ever heard.  I love her to pieces--but, obviously her memory and reasoning are fading.  The other day we needed to redirect her to use the restroom instead of a laundry basket.

After the incident, I sat by her for lunch.

She looked around, and then looked at me and said, "My oh my.  There are so weird people living here."
Did I mention that I still love my job?  Because I totally do.  


tifsong said...

love it.
i didn't know you worked at a place like this. that makes me like you even more.

i look up to you!

Jess said...

Well I guess you will never complain of anything being boring there. Its good that you are there to take care of them.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious stories here, Chelsea. I especially liked the doll brawl one. But you seem to handle their situations with tact, calmness and love which is to your great credit. Please write more of these. I laughed audibly several times when reading these little stories of your internship. They sound more like a new tv series called,
"Geriatric Comedy Corner" or better, "As the Convelsescent Center Turns". Or maybe you could call it, "I Died Laughing!"

Courtney said...

love this!!!!

Rachel said...

wowww that is way too much excitement at a nursing home! And drama! Crazy! Sounds like fun though - I love seniors!

genevieve said...

"My oh my. There are so weird people living here."

BA HAH! I'm glad you still like your job, pant-rolling, wide-eyed residents and all! This made me laugh out loud. Never a dull day at work, I suppose!

Siri Natalia said...

Thanks for checking out my blog :) We should follow each other. I love these stories! What an entertaining job!

karajean said...

That's hilarious! Love it.