Perfect in my Mind

Perfect in my Mind

Thursday, June 9, 2011

All the Single Ladies:

I hardly have any "married friends."  Some of my very closest friends are in the single, dating, phase of life.

A  lot of people find it interesting when I tell them that I didn't have a lot of success in the dating field.  I never had a boyfriend in high school.  I never had a boyfriend in my college ward.  I never even got asked to dance at an institute dance.  Does this make me a loser?  Nope.  But, at the time I thought it did.  

When I actually dated (which I felt was rarely), I didn't always go for the guys I should have.  My first 'real' boyfriend was kind of a mess.  He made me think  things I shouldn't think, and act differently than I should have been acting.  He made me feel insecure.  He manipulated my thoughts--and made me feel like I was less than I was.  But, I stayed with him.  For over a year.  I was afraid to leave him.  He told me that no man would ever love me the way he could, and for some foolish reason, I believed him.  I thought our love was true love.

Turns out, it wasn't.  Not even close.  It was an emotional roller coaster.  A dark spot in my life.  A year I wish I could blot out forever.  I used to feel like I would give anything to turn back time--to make the memory of that person non-existent.  

After dating boyfriend number one, I rebounded several times.  I was desperately trying to get my mind off of number one.  Largely, I dated weirdos.  There were definitely some good ones in there, too . . . but mostly not.  I was so insecure.  I would date anyone.  I just wanted to feel like someone loved me.  I wanted to feel important.  Valued.  And, because I was incapable of producing those feelings on my own, I constantly wanted someone near me to validate me.

If I could tell Chelsea of 2008-2010 one thing, it would be to be patient.  I would want her to know that the right one is around the corner.  I would tell her to stop trying so hard to be loved by someone else, and to love herself.  I would give her a hug, and tell her not to feel bad about not having a boyfriend . . . because maybe her husband doesn't even have a girlfriend, yet. 

If you are feeling like everyone around you is ahead of the game, you're probably being too hard on yourself.  Know that your perfect ending is coming.  And your husband is probably going to be way awesome.  

{I love Beyonce's version, but Sara knows wussup and is real.}


Nathan and Kristen said...

I just love love love your posts. You always have something great to say! You are very insightful and in tune with yourself I love that. It's very admirable.

Britt+Whit said...

love this post and LOVE the name of your blog! so cute

love from San Francisco,

Mackenzie Waters said...

Thank you. Thank you for posting what I need to hear each day. Thank you for your righteous influence. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your love. I am literally sitting at my computer, crying. You are that amazing.


Dana Richards said...

All of our good friends in Nashville are in the married phase of life but all of my closest girl friends from home are still single and looking and give me a hard time for being old, boring and married or gripe about how they will be single forever haha it just happens at different times for different people! I completely agree with your post.

Thanks for checking out my blog! Feel free to borrow the "love is..." post haha I look forward to following!